I miss you! I have every day since you left. Somedays it is easier, somedays are worse. This day..this day will always suck. This day will never be easy.
2 years now! 2 years since I last heard your voice. How can 2 years pass by so fast? How does it still feel like you are with me? It still feels like you are only a phone call away.
It hurts my heart every time I think about it. You were the one who always knew what to do. You were the one who never judged me for the decisions I made.
I wish so badly I could see your face again. I wish so badly that I could hug you again. I wish you could come visit. Do you think you can arrange that?
I know I will see you again. I know that you are happy. I know that you are healthy and you feel better than you did down here. I know that you are watching over me.
Looking up at the stars at night remind me that you are there. They remind me that you want nothing but the best for me. They remind me that you are always with me and will listen if you I need.
Today...is gonna suck. Today...is gonna drain me. Today...is gonna be hard. But you would not want that. You would want me happy, smiling, and not worrying about you.
Well daddy, I'm gonna miss you. I'm probably gonna cry. I'm probably gonna have moments of zoning out. I'm probably gonna have a couple moments where I just break.
You don't want that, but daddy I'm not as strong as you were. I'm your daughter, and I try to be strong. But when I don't have my daddy physically with me, it gets hard.
It gets hard to face the world. I'm doing it. I'm making it. But I do wish you were here. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. Cause I am so happy you are feeling better.
I guess I'm just trying to let you know that I miss you. That you are my daddy and always will be. Thank you for teaching me some of the most important lessons of life.
Thank you for never raising your voice at me, even though God knows I deserved it. You always treated me with love and compassion. You always believed that I had a reason for my decisions.
You would always listen to my side before you even started to talk. You always would make sure that I knew you loved me, even when we disagreed.
We had 1 fight that I can remember. Only 1. I ran away. Which was resolved by you calling me crying because you felt so bad for raising your voice at me and you didn't want me out of your life.
Daddy, you were an incredible father.
I could not have asked for a better man in my life. I will always remember going to ball games and just sitting while you were the umpire. All I wanted was to be anywhere but there.
But I went, and I usually was running around the park somewhere and after we would always go get ice cream. Ice cream....Maybe that is where I got my "addiction" to ice cream.
I will always remember those ice cream trips after dance too. When mom specifically said "Don't go get ice cream tonight" we always did :) always.
You came to every single competition of mine. You never missed one. Even though it meant sitting in an auditorium all friday, saturday, and sunday...for seven 3 minute dances. You were there.
You were my biggest fan. My biggest supporter. You were my best friend. Maybe not growing up...I'd be crazy to say there weren't days I hated you, or days we disagreed, or days where I wanted to leave.
Those days were there. But looking back - I can see everything you did for me. You put me before you...every second of every day. You never hesitated. You never asked anything in return from me.
You just let me do what I thought was right, and you were right behind me cleaning up my mess. and trying to teach me along the way - even though I wouldn't listen.
You used to sit outside the studio forever. Class was done at 9. I was always the last one out of the studio, because I didnt want to leave. You would sit there patiently till 915, 930, 945....
When I came out you would simply ask "How did it go?" to which I usually would just respond "Good" and you would respond with "Good. I'm Glad"
Daddy!! I want you back...but I know that isn't going to happen. I know that no matter how much I beg, cry, whine...it wont happen. So I have to learn to adapt.
I will never forget you or the things you did for me. You were an angel on this earth. Any chance I get, I share a story about you. Because you were amazing.
I'm trying to feel better daddy. You would want that. I am trying to live my life to make you happy. I am trying to live in such a way that people say "Your parents must be amazing people"
To which I always respond, "Yes. They are" I always use present tense. Why? Because even though you aren't here anymore you are still part of me. You are still alive in my heart.
You are still my father and you are an amazing person. I have told many people "I wish you could meet my dad. He would have loved you and you would have loved him"
"He would have welcomed you with open arms" "He could talk your ear off with story after story" "He gave the best hugs and the best advice"
Daddy. If anyone ever offers you a free pass back, I would love to see you again. I would love to be able to see you smile. Your eyes....oh your eyes. You could see the pride and love in them.
You loved everyone unconditionally. There was no debate on that. There was never any doubt. I have your eyes. I look a lot like you, every one has always said it. I now take it as a compliment.
I am probably the only one who cares enough to write/read this much...well and mom :) and honestly that is ok with me. I know how incredible you were. I never want to forget that.
Someday I hope and pray this will get easier. But on the other hand - I hope it never does. It shows me that you have a huge place in my heart. That place is a hole now, where only your memories are.
And I don't ever want that hole to heal. I want the pain to go away, but if that means the memories go too...then I will deal with the pain. Those are memories I will cherish forever.
I love you daddy. I will always love you. You will always have a place in my heart.
2 years of missing you.
Love, your baby girl.